How Do I Get My Toddler to Sleep in Their Own Bed All Night Long?

The Reason your toddler gets out of their bed and comes into yours is because… you let them. 

Yep, I said it. Now, please don’t feel personally attacked here, I promise I’m saying that with love and even better with some other options for you to try instead IF you have the goal of getting your 2-5 year old to sleep in their own bed all night long. 

And no I will not be asking you to 

• Leave them in their room to cry
• Lock your door
• Ignore them

So here’s how to go from 2am bed battles… to still in their own beds at 7am… in less than 21 days. 

Let me set the scene:

You finally get your toddler to fall asleep at bedtime, you’ve finished your to-do list (mostly), relaxed on the couch with hubby for one episode before retiring to your comfy bed for the evening. You drift off to sleep dreaming about that beach vacation coming up. Mid dream mojito sip, you feel something hitting your shoulder. Is it the waiter asking if I need another drink? Is it a masseuse seeing if they could release some of this tension? 

No, it’s your toddler in real life pounding on your shoulder and yelling, “Pick me up! Mama bed!” 

You’re too exhausted to fight this battle and want to just get back to dreamland, so what do you do? Move over and let them into your bed. (Now for some people this does not bother them whatsoever and they are happily bed sharing – this post is not for you, do you!). 

For the rest of you are craving a full night’s rest, tired of the bed battles, and hell, maybe even some child-free time with our hubby, read on. 

The rest of the night is cramped with constant wakings. You say that your toddler needs to stop coming into your bed and has to stay in their own bed all night, but is just saying that to them really doing ANYTHING?

If you don’t come up with a strategy and implement changes, you’ll never get that full night’s rest of sweet dreams and you’ll keep confusing your kiddo by telling them one thing (you have to stay in your own bed all night!) and doing another (moving over and pulling them up into your bed). 

Here’s an outline of the step-by-step changes we guide our clients through at Nights & Naps:

1. Practice through Play: Talk about and practice these changes, expectations, and what you DO want them to do, through play. Don’t make this change a punishment – it’s a positive transition! Model for them, have the teddy bear give it a try, and have your little one practice too. 
2. Build a positive association to their bed: Play there, read there, cuddle there. It’s a safe, fun, and cozy place to be! 
3. Start with bedtime: However your child falls asleep at bedtime is how they will want to fall back asleep for night wakings. If your child currently needs you at bedtime (rocking them, holding them, rubbing their back, sitting next to them) then you’ll want to transition to independent sleep through a sleep training method that aligns to your family. 
4. Have a Night Waking Response Plan: spoiler alert: it’s not to let them into your bed. We guide our clients with individualized methods to follow depending on their child’s age, communication level, behaviors and the family’s parenting style and sample scripts of what to say to make this possible. One method we use at Nights & Naps is called the Silent Return Method. The idea is that every time your child gets out of their bed, you have the same response: bringing them back to their bed and in a calm tone repeating the same simple directions and words of affirmation. For example, “lay down, close your eyes, mommy loves you.” Typically the first couple nights are spent doing this over and over again until the child realizes that 1. You’re actually going to hold your boundary and not let them into your bed. 2. They’re not getting the attention that they’re seeking from you. 3. It’s easier and more enjoyable to just stay in bed. Please do not implement this method if you haven’t started sleep training yet. 
5. Appropriately Reinforce in the morning: The HOW of this differs depending on parenting style but the idea is the same: point out something they did that you practiced! That can be through verbal positive praise, just simply talking about what happened, or making them a special breakfast to celebrate their first night of staying in their bed all night. 

Follow these 5 Steps for 21 days with consistency and you’ll be celebrating a full night’s rest with your hubby with your kiddo sleep sleeping in their own bed!

One of our recent clients, Rachel said, “I Found Nights and Naps on TikTok when I was looking for answers on how to get my toddler to stop nursing to sleep in my bed at night. Shannon gave me the strategy and support I needed to break bad habits and get my son sleeping in his own bed. Now he falls asleep in minutes and is even putting himself back to sleep most of the time. Now I have my evenings and my bed back. These past three weeks were a real life (and time) saver!” 

Here’s the great news: If and when you’re ready for a transition to get your kiddo out of your bed and to stay in theirs – you can! You can support your toddler emotionally, keep your strong bond, and still get your toddler to sleep in their own bed all night long. 

Don’t make 2am decisions on how to respond, let’s get started by creating YOUR plan. Want to learn more about how we help our clients achieve this success in just 2-3 weeks? Learn More about our All Inclusive Sleep Consulting Program here! We’d love to guide you through this process to ensure success in 21 days or less!